well I can't set my house on fire every night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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