oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
