drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
