oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
