You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
