Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
