After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
