fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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