It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
