Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
