sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
