I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
