why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
