Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
