i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
