everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
