Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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