I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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