I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
