Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
