i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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