i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
