I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Congratulations! We have a period
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
