I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
