I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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