sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
honey bunches of taint.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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