So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Randomize
