I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
