Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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