my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
