there was a trapeze. enough said
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
