Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
