I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
