Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
