Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize