Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
