i don't like sucking hair
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize