i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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