I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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