I need help removing her.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
