You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
