Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
