At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
