piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
