Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
