I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
