The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
