and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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