Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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