I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
