I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
