So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
