I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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