i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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