I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
