this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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