he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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