I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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