You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize