so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
