You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
