She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
