She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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