I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it's like iHOP with fire
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
