Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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