When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
