i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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