can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
